Listening is more than just hearing words; it’s about focusing your attention so you can deeply understand and empathize with the person with whom you are in conversation. If you find it challenging to listen attentively or empathetically, don’t worry—you’re not alone. The best leaders I know use theses 10 practical techniques to help enhance their listening ability.
1. Consciously Choose Your Level of Listening
Before diving into an important conversation, set an intention to listen deeply. Say to yourself, “I am going to approach this conversation from a place of deep listening.” This mental commitment helps you shift from passive hearing to active listening, preparing you to fully focus on the person speaking to you.
2. Minimize Distractions
Identify what typically detracts from your listening. It’s likely that your phone is a major culprit. Remove it from your immediate vicinity and silence your notifications. By making the person you’re listening to your sole focus, you create a more attentive and respectful interaction.
3. Let the Person Talking “Empty Their Bucket”
As Simon Sinek tells us when we allow an individual to fully “empty their bucket” we give them the opportunity to express everything they need to say without interruption. Resist the urge to interject or finish their sentences. Instead, ask if they are complete with what they’ve shared. This gives them the space to fully articulate their thoughts and feelings.
4. Address Your Internal Biases and Beliefs
Recognize your own biases, projections, and preconceived notions that filter your listening. Ask yourself, “What have I already decided before the conversation even takes place?” As author, Susan Scott suggests, “Come to the table with empty hands.” This means setting aside your stories, your judgments and your need to be right and approaching the conversation with an open mind, ready to hear what is being said while listening objectively.
5. Use Non-Verbal Cues to Reinforce Your Listening
Your body language sends a signal to the person in front of you as to how well you are listening. Lean in slightly, uncross your arms, and avoid physical barriers like desks or tables that may create distance. Maintain eye contact and use subtle gestures like head nods to show that you’re fully engaged in the conversation.
6. Embrace the Power of Silence
Silence is a powerful tool in communication. It provides space for reflection, consideration, and creative thinking. Don’t rush to fill every pause with words. Allowing moments of silence can lead to deeper insights and more thoughtful responses.
7. Ask Rather Than Assume
Let your listening foster curiosity. Instead of making assumptions, ask questions like, “Would you like my support or my advice?” and “Is there anything else you’d like me to know?” and “What would you like my involvement to be?” This approach increases clarity, encourages a more comprehensive understanding of the other person’s message and shows that you’re genuinely interested in their perspective and want to understand their needs.
8. Cultivate Depth Over Speed
Attentive and empathetic listening is about the quality of your listening. Focus on deepening your understanding rather than rushing to fill in the uncomfortable gaps and finish the conversation. To deepen a conversation, ask questions like, “What more can you tell me?” or “What haven’t you said that could help me better understand?” or “How are your emotions impacting you and others?” By valuing depth over speed, you build stronger connections and foster more meaningful interactions.
9. Learn the traits of Empathic Listening
Brené Brown tells us, “Empathy fuels connection. Empathy includes perspective taking, staying out of judgment, recognizing emotions in other people and being able to communicate that back to the individual. Empathy is being able to feel with people.” Empathy is whole person listening – head and heart to head and heart. Empathetic listening is rarely about fixing someone and more often about being mentally and emotionally present to an individual’s pain and struggle.
10. Recap What You Heard
To ensure you’ve understood correctly, recap what you’ve heard. Share your understanding of the conversation to confirm that you’re on the same page. This not only clarifies any potential misunderstandings but also demonstrates that you value and respect their input.
Becoming a better listener is a continuous process of self-awareness and mindfulness. By applying these techniques, you’ll not only enhance your ability to listen but also strengthen your relationships and communication skills. Remember, effective listening is an art that requires practice and patience, but the rewards are well worth the effort. So, take these techniques to heart, and start your journey toward becoming a more attentive and empathetic listener today.
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